colour cupcakes

you might just wave hello again/

 so, my three or so weeks of break have been pretty chill. 
reading and watching movies, gosh yes i've watched like loads of rubbish because i was so tired of it all that i wanted pure mindless brainless entertainment. 

so let's see, i've gone through: 
Flipped (2010)- cute, something fresh and worth a watch. 
Jumanji (1995)- uh yes. relieving abit of childhood. i still remember when i first watched this one, i was i have no idea how young and ended up going to bed scared. my daddy still remembers that too. 
Passengers (2008)- turned out Very disappointing. What Is with all these ghosts-not-knowing-they're-already-dead films?? dislike. still, hathaway and patrick wilson made it alot less painful. 
Evening (2007)- this one was beautiful. gosh, why doesnt claire danes get more leads? 
The Savages (2007)- this was good too. 
The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)- all right i guess. pretty interesting in some ways, but in others, quite a typical fantasy film. 
My Sister's Keeper (2009)- no, not very worth watching. one of those films that just wants you to cry, and cry, but somewhat doesnt really succeed? typical jodi picoult novel style of being way too, well, i call it whiney. 
Marley & Me (2008)- omg this was So Cute. okay, or maybe its because i heart doggies, but still, it was good. 
Mama Mia (2008)- yea, brainless entertainment. 
500 Days of Summer (2009)- wasnt so bad. 
Das Weisse Band (2009)- awesome. dark, but good. really good. 
Bride Wars (2009)- not that much worth watching even if it Does star hathaway. 
Charlie St Cloud (2010)- Dont Judge. i said i wanted brainless entertainment. this one was well. okay not So bad. i liked the setting. 
In Her Shoes (2005)- not bad for a 'chick flick' thinggy. 
Life As We Know it (2010)- not bad. the kid is mad cute! 
27 Dresses (2008)- this was actually pretty nice. 
Raising Helen (2004)- passable. 
The Family Stone (2005)- passable. yay for Danes. 
The Parent Trap (1998)- okay, like i said, dont judge. but i actually thought lohan did a not-bad job on this one. she was better when she was still small and cute. 
Uptown Girls (2003)- um. Fanning was good. that's about all that was good. 
Wild Child (2008)- i liked this one! english boarding school ala enid blyton and brit accents yay. 
Yours Mine and Ours (2005)- passable enough for a mindless laugh. 
Orphan (2009)- yeaaaa okayyy so-so. i think farmiga is way too underrated an actress. she did an awesome job in Joshua too. 

yea well, that makes it like 23 movies in 3 or less weeks?? quite alot. 
and i've got three more still sitting in my hard disk waiting to be finished- Crash (2004) (I REALLY must watch this one already), Happy-Go-Lucky (2008) and Never Let Me Go (2010) (both of which are mainly just because they're UK and not US.) 

read too of course- loving unendliche geschichte So much, it's really good and very worth reading in whatever language. i'm not sure about how well it was translated, but i've been reading it in original Deutsch and it's just, lovely. 
page 220 already and (uh spoilers??) bastian has just saved the kindliche kaiserin's life and renamed her. 
quite an accomplishment for myself i must say :) i got through it thus far! 
and these couple of weeks i've been attending rehearsals as well, and tomorrow on, the busy weekend will begin! 
FOP2011 here we commeeeee!  #excited! 
and Then. 
it will finally be back to nus! again, i'm kind of looking forward to the new sem :) 
two more years and i'll be OUTTA here!  
(and hopefully doing my masters in Deutschland) HEH. 
purple nails

Left Behind

and so here it begins: the goodbyes. 
the watching them leave, one by one.
the being happy for them that they are all going to have one hell of a wonderful experience out there, in that Land we all share such a common passion for, living the Language we've spent semesters learning together.
the knowing that it is something that you yourself can never be a part of. 

its like standing on the shore while they all board a glitzy glamorous beautiful ship. 
trying to join the queue of passengers but somehow being rooted to the sand, held back by invisible chains. 
eventually the last one gets on and the doors shut. 
they wave goodbye from the deck, happy and full of giddy anticipation. 
you can do nothing but stand and watch. 
and watch. 
and watch as that ship eventually rolls out of the harbour, and gradually moves on and on, disappearing into nothing more than a mere speck on the horizon. 
the sun finishes its Untergang, and there you are, 
still standing on the shore now dark, 
watching a now empty ocean,
with an equally empty heart. 

and it hits you. 
you have been excluded. 
Left Behind. 
zurückgelassen werden. 
and what mocks you even further, is that this was somewhat your own choice, your own doing; because You Didnt Fight despite it being your heart's desire, the only thing you ever wanted out of your university education, to leave with them on that dazzling ship, headed for your very own Märchenland
ich habe nicht gekämpft. 
and for the thousandth time you wonder: Why. 

Wieso darf ich nicht auch gehen? 
blair 1 hat

schon geschafft.

i did plan to blog a last-day-at-internship kinda entry. 
well. my last day was on wednesday, and its now sunday night. 
but in my defense, the past few days, despite being released from work, have been pretty insane. 

6 months. so schnell schon vorbei. 
in a blink of an eye. tempus fugit, as always. 
i'm thankful and grateful for the experience :) 
so many fond memories; i miss the amazing colleagues so much! 
like i said before, i dont regret doing this as crazy as it sometimes was heh. 
so it was faretheewell on wednesday and then the interns went for last supper at hv (as usual haha) after work- sushi tei dinner and then nydc mudpies for dessert = #1fatlifestyle. 

and. the past few days were spent going crazy at home after being released from going crazy at work. 
yes, the house was being renovated and its more or less done now. 
spent thursday furniture shopping at ikea and then we had buffet dinner at straits at rendezvous to celebrate the brother's birthday in advance = #2fatlifestyle. 
Friday was spent attempting to pack a little of the boxes in my room but i eventually gave up and decided to just do it when the furniture actually arrives; and helping my daddy fix up the new lights. 
did the church routine in the evening and then after that it was supper at dempsey with the usual monkeys to celebrate the brother's birthday again omg awesome wurst and truffle fries and this fab berry mint mocktail drink thinggy = #3fatlifestyle. 
and on saturday, the furniture finally got delivered and we spent half the day assembling all of it (thank you Daddy <3), and then i spent the other half of the day unpacking everything from the boxes and transferring them into the new space. 
so its all good and done now and i Love my new space :) 
the rest of the house is all more or less done too- except for the study room. and yay the living room is Finally full air-conditioned! future movie marathons will be So much more conducive! ;) 

sunday church routine (no, not quite so routine because it was my rare off-duty week! :D) this morning and then lunch and then on top of lunch, macs french fries + twister fries + hot fudge sundae = #4fatlifestyle gosh i need to stop eating this much. 

mod preference exercise begins tomorrow, and i've got next sem's timetable more or less sorted yay. my timetable actually looks quite all right! :D let's hope it all works out! 
four or so more weeks till the new AY and new sem begins. 

i really hope the rest of the books i ordered from bookdep arrives soon so i have reading material! 
we ordered like a total of eight, but so far only One has arrived. 
still, i think its a really awesome site cos it Does have quite a good range of titles at pretty okay prices Plus free shipping!  

okay, bis nächstes mal! 

every ending's a new beginning/ 
one more chance to get it right/ one more chance to get it wrong/ 
its not over till its over/
sometimes nowhere leads to somewhere/ 
and it all starts again/
in the end 
grumpy lion cub

half life

i just want okay again.

when did this begin? 
how did i get here? 

i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine/
i've been searching but i just dont see the signs/
there are moments when i dont know if its real/ 
so i'll just spend my whole life/ hiding my heart away 
purple nails

es tut mir doch leid.

ich weiß, ich habe Dich und alles dass ich vorher hatte schon verloren.  
ich weiß aber echt nicht wie und warum. 

sitting on the fence, watching from the sidelines, perpetual acrimony-
this is what my life has become. 

and i have no idea how to get this back on track. 

everything's been losing colour lately. 
and it's all just such an endless mundane sea of grey. 
the wanderlust especially is insanely overwhelming- after spending last summer in german/european beauty, i am just very very resentful that for this current one, i am stuck in too-sunny Singapore (DONT get me started on the wonderful weather we've been having on this god-forsaken island), bound 9-6 to an office desk and with Nothing (read: no sep) to look forward to at the end of it except returning back to the good old Nus routine of murdering more trees and little by little annihilating bits of (what's left of) my own sanity at the same time.

sick of the concrete pavements and skyscrapers. 
cobbled streets bitte :( 
grumpy lion cub

bury my piano with me. k thanks bye.

if the doc wasnt happy with me on saturday,
i am Definitely Not Happy with him now.
after receiving his meds and taking them faithfully since saturday morning, 
i end up with: 
1. Another fever on sunday night and for much of monday (and had to take a day off work as a result)
and 2. a Nose that is causing me an INSANE amount of grief oh Gott, it's so bad my ears are Still blocked and my head Also feels horrible. 
the only thing that he gave me that was actually of help was the cough mixture.
everything else is just.. WRONG.
Plus i wasted the past bloody 4 days SLEEPING my life away and doing nothing else except eating and taking the bloody medication.  
i am so annoyed right now i want to storm into his clinic and demand a refund for my (dad's) 40bucks but i highly doubt he's open as it's already evening and it's a public holiday at that. 
i swear, if this is Still on-going tomorrow, i am going to first ring him up and THEN storm into his clinic when i get off work, after already having terrorized him into remaining open till evening when i first ring him. 

goodness gracious you stupid useless weakling of a body, WHAT is WRONG with you. 
colour fence


1. ever since that horrendous high fever last month and losing my voice, i have still been coughing and sounding not like my usual self.
this morning i woke up and the halsschmerzen was bloody back with a vengence. so i finally finally dragged myself to the Arzt. Daddy was a sweetheart and accompanied me down. 

2. i dont think my doctor was pleased with me at all. 
'THREE WEEKS is a Really long time!' 
'What. RIDICULOUS. that's for children!' -when i told him my mom had been putting me on rhinathiol promethazine.

3. i received antibiotics and the horrible horrible usual black cough syrup that i absolutely loath.

4. Friendship was awesome. as were beef chili cheese fries. company was even better :)  

5. internet connection at home is STILL crap. what the heck is wrong with you lately starhub. 

6. paulaner's has no weissbier. 

7. Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber at Marina Bay Sands from 7-17 Juli!!!! Definitely a must. 

8. speaking of good old Webber, JCSuperstar was really good. The Best film out of all the other crappy ones we were given in that module. 

9. no i still cant sing. ): 

10. i'll leave you with a video of people who Can: